Every Morning a Blank Canvas
The joy of letting your day paint itself
Raise your hand if you’ve had too many nights like this…
Toss and turn
Make a mental list of what you think needs to get done the following day
Worry about how long the list is
Remember things you need to add to the list
Turn on the light and write it all down
Pee
Worry that you’ll feel too tired to get it all done
Toss and turn
Get up to pee again
Ack! How many hours of sleep have we wasted on this mental hamster wheel, driven by some domineering inner boss?
And yet, that relentless inner voice can continue to haunt us even in our waking hours – incessantly reminding us that we aren’t being productive enough, or that we aren’t good enough as we are.
On January 1st of this year, I decided I wasn’t going to be making any resolutions for 2025.
As I scanned through my inbox that morning, I found myself instinctively deleting every email imploring me to “Lose 20 pounds this month!” or “Get fit forever!”
Instead of chasing another unrealistic goal that would likely end up with me feeling disappointed in myself, I chose to release the pressure altogether. No more pushing, striving, or self-shaming. I began to ask myself, “What would it feel like to approach each day, each week, each year – with more ease?” I pondered the possibility of finally being free of the rigid expectations and masculine-driven conditioning in our culture that so many of us women have internalized.
What if, instead, I welcomed in a new way…to try softer. To allow instead of forcing. To follow the ebb and flow of my energy instead of recklessly disregarding my body’s signals in an attempt to get my to-do list checked off. Maybe, in a way, this decision was a resolution of sorts, except this time I was giving myself grace.
Grace not to follow a prescribed plan. Grace to mess up. Grace to not do it perfectly.
So on January 2nd, I stepped into my “try softer” experiment. Here’s how it unfolded…
At bedtime the night before, I didn’t rehearse the plan for the next day, as I normally would have. Instead I listened to Beethoven Blues by Jon Batiste, read a few pages in Robin Wall Kimmerer’s book Braiding Sweetgrass, and fell asleep. The next morning, instead of mentally running through the list of to-do’s, I burrowed into my blanket, closed my eyes, took a deep, slow breath, and asked Spirit: “Please show me where to go, who to see, and how to serve today.”
I mindfully ate a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast, then called two friends to talk about a community meeting we were planning. Feeling uplifted by our conversation, I opened my computer and massaged some writing I was doing for my first Substack post (!), and then read the piece aloud to my husband.
After sitting for a few hours in front of the computer, I noticed that my body wanted to move. So I took a gentle stroll in the sunshine and watched the clouds as they formed what looked like huge bird feathers drifting across the sky.
Feeling refreshed by the movement and sunshine, I headed to the bank to withdraw cash for the man coming to trim our shrubs. As I approached the counter, the teller, Theresa, waved me over. “Come here, I want you to meet Catherine,” she said. The woman looking at me, eyes brimming with tears, shared her story. She spoke of painful skin lesions covering her neck and arms, months of antibiotics, countless doctor visits – yet no relief. She was clearly at her wit’s end. Seeing her distress, I gently asked if she’d be open to contacting a compassionate functional medicine doctor I knew. When she eagerly said yes, I entered Dr. Ryan’s contact information into her phone. As she grasped my hand in gratitude, I met her gaze and said, “May you be completely healed and live free from pain.”
As I said goodbye to Theresa, she whispered, “God told me to ask you to help her.”
We both laughed when I responded, “Thanks for listening!”
Feeling grateful for this “chance” encounter, I drove to the grocery store where I saw two curly-haired children riding in their mother’s cart – I love to wink at little kids and see their reaction. Their eyes grew wide and we giggled at what felt like magic sparkles between us. This beautiful exchange felt like the cherry on the cake of the ideal day I’d had.
My day was filled with errands, self-care and connection – all things I might once have put on my to-do list. Yet the way the day unfolded with ease and grace was beyond anything I could have planned. I felt I was being gently lifted, as if by those feathers I had seen in the sky that morning.
I can’t be sure, but I suspect that you and I might share the experience of years (decades, even?) of relentlessly pushing ourselves to reach our goals. Could this try softer experiment be a new way of entering each day and surrendering to whatever grace and joy is available for us?
Surrender…It’s not the same as giving in or giving up.
To me, it is living as if two things are true…
I am divinely directed.
Everything I need is always provided.
If you had but one goal, to feel good, you would never again need to hear another word of advice from anyone. When faced with two choices, you would pick the one that makes your heart sing. And if you felt as if you didn’t have a choice, you would wait for something that made your heart sing. And then, like a kid playing in puddles on a rainy day, you would jump in with both feet and enjoy the splash!
So, dear reader, this is your invitation to try softer.
Instead of the traditional resolutions or goal setting, what if we chose to focus on what lights us up, and let that guide us? A friend of mine recently started an excitement journal. Each day she writes down one or two things from her day that felt delicious. (One of yesterday’s entries was taking a nap in the afternoon. She was really delighted about that).
Tell me, what is one small thing you’re excited about and looking forward to doing?
We can all feel more alive through the little things that excite us every day.
In service of truth and love,
Lee
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Lee Sumner Irwin is a teacher, visionary, author, artist, intuitive guide, and grandmother who has spent the last few decades discovering a multitude of ways to uplift, inspire, and connect with women who feel called to her work. Over the years she has led retreats worldwide, coached women as they birthed their unique gifts and creative energy, and facilitated healing journeys. Her award-winning first book is Radiant Wise Woman: Breaking Free from the Myths of Menopause and Aging. She currently resides in Alabama with her husband where she enjoys dancing, exploring the wonders of nature, building community, nurturing her family, and finding ever-new ways to express her creativity.
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I thought this was a great inspirational offering. And a great reminder to myself. Thank you ♥️